Sweet Dream . . .

I made it.  I was freaking out on Kelly Johnson and maybe Luis Perez over the major league level showers.  I was jumping up and down in front of them and they were giggling.  I was in awe.  

My role was to cover Colby Rasmus at center.  I was shagging flies with him out on the field and was amazed at how much ground he covered, his glove was a magnet to all those fly balls.  It was impossible for me to do what he does.  Just last week, I misjudged an easy fly at softball.  Nevertheless, John Farrell said, "if Colby's out, you're in," which was a great boost for my confidence.

After warm-up, the guys decided to have a round of  'bieber my balls,' where we all gathered in a circle and knee'd each other in the crotch, crane-style.  Extra points were given to the guys who got both knees in.  Jason Frasor was my partner, and he was easy to bieber.

After my turn, I realized that it was close to game time, and I was out of uniform.  I was sitting on a bench in front of the lockers watching Colby Rasmus hurriedly getting dressed.  Right beside his locker was mine, getting restocked, I just sat there marvelling over my last name in blue and white.

My Ricky Romero Dream . . .

It goes like this . . . I was walking beside a quiet river. Nothing special. Off in the distance, I see Blue Jays pitcher Ricky Romero in the water. He was just having a soak, lazily treading.

I walk towards his direction, when I notice a half of a fin pop up on the water beside me. I frantically yelled, "RICKY! SHARK!" as the fin swam to his direction. Ricky stayed where he was until the big figure in the water reached him and pulled him under.

The shark's shadow in the water turned around and headed back into my direction. I grabbed a tree branch to try and slow the shark down. I put in in the water, held on and waited for it to pass me. As it crossed my tree branch, I felt a huge force pulling it away. The shark was big.

A few meters past me, emerged Ricky, with a tiny cut on his leg. Nothing else.

In my dreams, I thought, "Holy Fuck, these Mexicans are tough."

Download This! You Are The Pilot Of Your Own Pillow w/ CD Cover!

Okay. Enough time away from the internets. Here I make the comeback with a brand spanking new mix for your hibernating pleasure.

Actually, since yours truly can fall asleep to Jawbreaker and Crystal Castles, I suggest that you don't try to fall asleep to this mix. I apologize for the misleading title.

I found that cover on my tumblr and it was so novel, that I decided to use it for myself. If you were lucky enough to get a copy of the last mix, you are aware of the theme. I think this will be the last of the apollo spaceman mix covers that I will continue. There is some continuity to my work, though. My fascination with the astronauts has waned.


Okay, maybe not.

01 you are the pilot of your own pillow
02 lights - siberia
03 monarchy - you don't want to dance with me(moonlight matters remix)
04 poka - lonely nights
05 the rapture - how deep is your love(a-trak dub)
06 groove armada - history(grum remix)
07 big boi ft. yelawolf - you ain't no dj
08 junior senior - can i get get get
09 m83 - midnight city
10 junior boys - bits and pieces
11 chumbawamba - safety pin stuck in my heart
12 foster the people - houdini
13 the xx - basic space
14 breakbot ft. ruckazoid - fantasy
15 michael jackson - beat it(short circuit remix)
16 toro y moi - all alone
17 washed out - before
18 anoraak - night drive with you
19 grum - someday we'll be together

Download HERE



Quickies

- I loooooooove that new Lights album! I just totally enjoy her writing, her progressions and her minor delivery. It's total genius. Of course, listening to her talk is brutal as hell. Like speaking with my 16 year old daughter. Sheesh!


- Who the fuck does not like Junior Senior? They put the 'fun,' in funky! Check out that sweater! It spells nothing but a good time!


- I found that Chumbawamba track from a compilation called Better Read Than Dead, an Epitaph and AK Press joint venture. It has contributions from J Church, NOFX, Propagandhi, Napalm Death and others, promoting radical literature from their catalogue.


- That Monarchy remix just makes me long for a dank and loud basement bar, where I can just carve my own little corner. I have to go to @disco_punk soon!

Next post: Why JP Arencibia is a lazy fucking catcher, and my year-end observations of your 2011 edition Toronto Blue Jays! Stay tuned!

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Luis Andujar

Time to mail in this post.

You'll get a few more of these before it gets better, dear readers. I'm totally unenthused about the next batch of Blue Jay profiles coming up, including this one.

Maybe if somebody bought me a coffee . . .

Luis Andujar was acquired from the White Sox during the season of 1996. After showing some promise in 1995 as a reliefer, going 2-1 with an ERA of 3.26, he was promptly shuttled to TO after posting an 0-2 record and a horrid 8.22 ERA. He shook that off and went 1-1 and lowered his Earned Run Average down to 5.02.

Numbers are kind of daunting and sometimes hard to understand, and these are indicators on where in the baseball spectrum people rank, in the whole scheme of things. Wins and Losses are one, but can be deceiving. Innings Pitched is another measure, showing how much they worked, like playing time. Earned Run Average is one of the most telling, when used along with Innings Pitched, as a measure of how many runs the pitcher has let in during his time of work.

Luis' numbers before coming to the Jays indicated that he's on the spectrum of bad.

In 1997, for the Blue Jays, he was saddled with an 0-6 record, and in 50 IP, had an ERA of 6.48. He was totally ineffective for us the year after, posting a 9.53 ERA in 5 2/3 IP, before being put on the shelf for good.

Thank Christ for that! And if you didn't notice, he was REALLY bad.

CURRENT WHEREABOUTS:

After finishing his career with a 3-10 record, he took his $170,000 salary and promptly took it back to his home in the Dominican Republic.

If you want to kick a few bucks his way, click on my Paypal button above. I'll make sure he gets it, I swear!

Next Week: Pedro Fucking Borbon!

This Week's Shi . . . PERFECT Blue Jay: Roy Halladay

Fuck Shitty Blue Jays, at least for this week, for this time we celebrate a PERFECT Blue Jay, even though he is wearing another uniform. This week we celebrate Roy Halladay and his accomplishment of pitching a Perfect Game that was long overdue.

He last flirted with perfection back in 1998, as a Blue Jay, with just two starts into his major league career. He was one out away from the feat before Bobby Higginson butt-fucked his bid. Doc was a pitcher of promise before losing it all, getting sent down to the lowest minors to fix everything from the foundation up. And coming back stronger and nastier than ever(see "Oh Leroy Halladay").

He left for Philadelphia at the end of last season in the search for greener pastures, and a World Series ring to top off his already illustrious career. This bout of perfection is just another feather in his cap that will, in my opinion, be checking out at the Baseball Hall Of Fame.

It is bittersweet as a longtime follower and admirer, watching the highlights of every out. It makes me sad that we could never build THAT team around him, and I'm sure his former Jays' teammates were chomping at the bit over every put-out they watched, thinking, 'what-if that were me?' But it does make me happy that such a great and classy guy can reach one pinnacle of success that was well-deserved.

It just shows that good things DO happen to good people. There IS some form of justice in the universe. There IS recompense. There IS balance.

I'll say it again.

Roy Halladay pitched a Perfect Game! I'm pitching a Perfect Tent!

Celebrate!

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Brawlin' John Frascatore

I love celebrating these no-name blue-and-whites that have contributed to my misery. Love it, totally.

John Frascatore was a middle relief-er who came to Toronto in the 1999 mid-season, as an afterthought of the Tony Batista trade with Arizona (where we made out like a bunch of criminals, because Batista, Jose Cruz Jr., Raul Mondesi, and King Carlos Delgado were a then record-setting group to hit 20 HR or more before the All-Star Break in 2000.), Frascatore performed well in middle relief. He posted 7 wins and 1 loss, maintaining an ERA of 3.41 in 1999 for the Jays.

Unfortunately, the year 2000 was not so kind to John. He posted a record of 2 wins and 4 losses, with an ERA of 5.43. His frustration led to the famous dugout brawl with former Jay and then pitching coach Dave Stewart. Stew, a fierce competitor himself, gave no quarter, and the brawl took extra steps to the Jays clubhouse.

Frascatore was apologetic and remorseful afterward, but his career as a Blue Jay was pretty much over. Stewart must've laid a beating on him! He played for the Jays until 2001, and then was banished to the minors and never heard from again.

CURRENT WHEREABOUTS

Is currently part of a high school faculty at Nature Coast, Florida. Oddly enough, was recently removed from his coaching job for the Class 4A Baseball team for being ultra-competitive, despite leading them to the playoffs.

No shit. Read the article here:

http://blogs.tampabay.com/preps/2009/06/frascatore-out-at-nature-coast.html

That's why I decided to keep his nickname up on the marquee. Always brawlin'.

(Be sure to click on some of my shitty Google ads, so I can clock some dollars! Scrawl back to see some of the past weeks' Shitty Blue Jays, and vote for YOUR favourite!)

Next week: Tony Batista!

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Raul Mondesi

MONDY!!!

He is the most exciting Shitty Blue Jay yet. I remember him as a fiery player. I think he woke up pissed off. He always had that irritated look, every time they showed him.

But goddamn, he brought such swagger and excitement with every game he played. He could run, he could hit, he swung for the fences and tried to connect with every violent swing. He hit 24 home runs in his first season as a Jay 1999, and showed his promise.

His 1999 year was cut short because of a torn rotator cuff. Dave Martinez took his spot in the lineup. He performed admirably, but the team just wasn't the same after Mondy got hurt.

Mondesi stayed for another full season, got traded halfway through 2001. He was a career .273 hitter. For the Blue Jays, he hit a total of 66 HR, and stole 61 bases.

He was partly responsible for 'Latin Night,' at the SkyDome, citing that he felt the need to see more good-looking people at the stands.

CURRENT WHEREABOUTS

Last seen bullying Little League kids out of their lunch money.

What YOU got on HIS fawty, Homie?!

Next week: Jose Cruz Jr.

(Be sure to go to the right and vote for YOUR Shitty Blue Jay! Or I'll send Mondy to come get you, BEE-YOTCH!)

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Geronimo Berroa

After enduring what was probably the longest baseball game ever in Blue Jay history last night, I wanted to remind people that games do tend to get long.

But shitty seasons with shitty Blue Jays are longer.

I couldn’t find a picture of Mr. Berroa, but I did include and post his likeness.

Toronto had a DH problem in 1999. There was not a one out there. During that year, they had a revolving door for a lot of these players hoping for a fit. The sad part was, none of them could hit for fucking shit. We were subjected to a year of swings and misses from every goddamn bum imaginable. The main culprits were Willie Greene, Dave Hollins, and Brian McRae, and the infamous Mr. Berroa.

Goddamn, they were awful.

I think I remember getting a phone call to try and fill the position, but I declined. The money would have hurt my swing. TEE-HEE!

I just remember late in the games when we were looking for that one clutch hit, that one big swing, I just recall Berroa always swinging that long, looping swing, not even close to the ball for strike three.

Anyway, this garbo Berroa hit .194 that year with 1 home run. One fucking home run! He ended his career with an average of .276, 101 HR and a .349 OBP.

Current Whereabouts

Do you feel a chill?

Nah, it’s just Berroa whiffing at a ball. Quite a breeze, though.

(Be sure to go to your right and vote for YOUR shitty Blue Jay! We'll tally up the results and reveal the winner! Maybe even egg his house!)

Next week: Raul Mondesi

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Homer Bush

As the baseball season comes in full swing, I'm going to reminisce about some of the famous Boo Jays that went out season after season and broke my heart.

For this inaugural week, we're going with Homer Bush. Yes, that's his real name.

Played in Toronto during the 1999 to 2001 campaign. He was supposed to establish our speed game, but never did materialize. He peaked in stolen bases in 1999 with 32, but got hurt and never recovered since.

His name deceived a lot of people, because his swing wasn't built for power. A career .285 hitter, he hit 11 home runs in his 7 seasons of work. Was traded to Florida in 2002 and hasn't been heard from since.

I hope, during his major league tenure, that he put up big numbers for bush. Whoo!

Current Whereabouts

Could be seen putting on exhibition races with thoroughbred horses and losing.

Vote for your favourite Shitty Blue Jay to the right, and click on my shitty Google Ads so I can make some dough!

What Bullshit This Cover Is!

It doesn't even seem right that Doc is in Philly Red.

It's an indication of what I have (or don't) to look forward to on Opening Day.

What a fuck of a long season we have to endure.

Somebody break out the Cutty Sark! Please!

Suck My Dick, Winter! 2010 Blue Jay Predictions

Now that we're seeing a lot of snow melt, being the middle of March and all, and with the hopes of Opening Day tickets already purchased, we can all tell winter to suck our collective dicks.

And now, introducing your 2010 Toronto Blue Jays . . .



Who?!

2010 TANK NATION
The Starting Pitchers

Shaun Marcum
Ricky Romero
Brandon Morrow
Mark Rzepcynski
Brian Tallet

The Lineup

Jose Bautista, RF
Aaron Hill, 2B
Adam Lind, DH
Vernon Wells, CF
Lyle Overbay, 1B
Edwin Encarnacion, 3B
Alex Gonzalez, SS
John Buck, C
Travis Snider, LF

The Relief-ers

Scott Downs
Jason Frasor
Kevin Gregg
Jeremy Accardo
Jesse Carlson
Shawn Camp or Dustin McGowan

The Bench

John McDonald
Joey Gathright
Randy Ruiz
Jose Molina

I know, I know. WHO?!

It's been slim pickings ever since we had to let our workhorse go off to greener pastures, but the heartbreaking move was necessary so that we would be able to reload our farm system with up-and-coming talent. Let's talk about some of the faces, familiar and new, of the 2010 TANK NATION squad.

Shaun Marcum RHP
Had Tommy John Surgery on his elbow 2 years ago. Has Sinker/Slider/Changeup. Looked really good before getting hurt.

Ricky Romero LHP
Went 13-9 in his first Major League Season. Got a little tired after the All-Star Break. With lessons learned from Doc Halladay regarding keeping his stamina, he should have better numbers this year.

Brandon Morrow RHP
Part of the Brandon League trade with Seattle. Was see-sawed from starter to reliever. Should be more consistent now that his role is solidified.

Mark Rzepcynski LHP
"Scrabble," to everybody else. Great groundball pitcher. Not overpowering, but more finesse. One of Cito Gaston's few favourites.

Brian Tallet LHP
Was a swingman last year and performed well. Hopefully the porn-stache does the same.

Jose Bautista RF
Utility player picked up from Pittsburgh 2 years back. Cito's new leadoff man. Big mistake, in my opinion. It seemed last year that he had a lot of strikeouts, looking. Drove me fucking insane. I even heckled him after one of those strikeouts, and I knew he heard me.

Aaron Hill 2B
Last year's comeback player returning from that concussion. Broke out and hit the shit out of the ball, and brought back our clout. Expect his numbers to dip a little bit, but still put on good numbers (AVG., HR, RBI.).

Adam Lind DH
Cito's student flourished in the DH spot all year long. Don't expect him to do much outfield work, unless Cito wants a good laugh. Will hit well for power, average, and runs batted in.

Vernon Wells CF
The longest tenured Blue Jay. And the most expensive. Pissed us off for 3 years running, because of his aversion to hitting the baseball. Coincidentally the best paid Blue Jay at $16+ million for this year, and averaging $25 million each year until 2014. Maybe he needs the money. Friends aren't free, you know?

Lyle Overbay 1B
Sure-handed, no-hitting First Baseman. Vernon Wells' illness of not being able to hit the ball spread to Overpay as well. Overpay is the second-most expensive Blue Jay, making $7.9 million in his walk year. Should be able to get his knocks in to pad his numbers, making him excellent trade bait. There's a young guy named Brett Wallace waiting in the wings, ready to knock the cover off the baseball.

Edwin Encarnacion 3B
E5. Had fireworks explode on his face in the offseason. No fireworks anywhere from this guy. Unless he wakes up from his mope.

Alex Gonzalez SS
Great glove. Because our starting pitching is sketchy and inexperienced, we decided to shore up our defense, to save those young arms. God knows we're going to need it. DEFENSE!

John Buck C
A good pick-up from Kansas City. Great game-caller. Calming force for our young pitching. Maybe he'll resurrect his career in TO.

Travis Snider LF
Cito's young project for this year. Can't hit lefthanded pitching, can't his slow stuff, can't get around his head. Once he figures it out, he's going to be good for a long time.

PREDICTIONS

Roy Halladay will singlehandedly pitch well to win his first World Series, thus ending World Hunger, and establishing World Peace. We all wish Doc well.


Brian Tallet will grow back his porn-'stache and mow down the opposition, and will lure unsuspectingly loose women in the back of his van.


Dustin McGowan will emerge fully healed from all of his ailments with the help of his mutton chops. "Mutton Chop Giveaway Day," will be a huge hit at the 'Dome.


John McDonald will still be the Prime Minister of Defence.


My favourite player will slowly shift from Roy Halladay to Mark 'Scrabble,' Rzepcynski.

Last prediction: We're going to play ball soon . . .

. . . and Winter can suck my dick!

Other Blue Jay links:

http://www.drunkjaysfans.com/

http://taoofstieb.blogspot.com/

http://mlbastian.mlblogs.com/