Monday, August 30, 2010

Everything Is Exciting With A Countdown!

13 Days until the wedding!

2 Days until we make our way back home to Hamilton!

This is exciting stuff!

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Shannon Stewart

Batting lead-off, and should be on base shortly, Shannon Stewart.

That statement was pretty much a given when Stewart was on the Blue Jays' roster from '97 until we traded him in 2003.

He was a prototypical lead-off hitter. An on-base machine, posting a .365 OBP for his career in Toronto. He had an open stance in the batter's box (one I ended up mimicking), helped him see pitches better and propelled him into a consistent .300 hitter pretty much his whole career. In his early days, he was a dangerous base-stealer, swiping 51 in his first full year, and 37 his next. Those numbers tapered off, citing leg injuries as the main reason.

Shannon was an average defender at left, running balls down. But his noodle of an arm encouraged base runners to go amok on him, feeble throws coming to the plate . . . (wait for it) . . . later.

Thanks to economics, keeping home-grown players posed a difficulty in TO. Around 2003, there was a very expensive contract that took almost 1/3 of the team's payroll, and at times left the Jays' front office paralyzed. Given Stewart's years of service (7), he was due for a hefty raise. The Jays, knowing they wouldn't be able to afford the left fielder, traded him to Minnesota for Bobby Kielty.

Bobby Kielty's only memorable moment was robbing Trot Nixon (?fact check?) of a home run by climbing over the outfield wall at Fenway Park, nearly ending up in the Sox' bullpen. Other that that, he looked like he couldn't wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag.

Stewart ended up in Minnesota in the heat of a playoff race, and had appearances in the playoffs for them and with the Oakland Athletics.


Last seen with Toronto in 2008, winning out a roster spot over fan favourite Reed Johnson. Was released in August of that season because of total uselessness. Currently a free agent.

(Be sure to vote for your Favourite Shitty Jay! It's currently a tie between Delgado and Mondy, and someone has to break the deadlock to determine the winner. And how hard is it to BUY ME A FUCKING COFFEE?!)

Next Week: King Carlos Delgado!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

17 Days Until the Wedding!

Just saying that the countdown is on!

And check out the wedding website, with all the new bells and whistles here:

Be sure to check out the 'wedding favours,' tab, and support our local Breakfast Club!

I'm still waiting on that coffee . . . CLICK on the Paypal link on the corner!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

will you marry me?

Um, sorry, but I'm betrothed. Getting married to my girl in 3 weeks.

Ask me anything

Because You're #1 . . .

. . . I decided to share some baseball blog links.

Here are my favourites:

the tao of stieb

a pack a day

mop up duty

dodger blues

I'm sure you're all smart enough to find your own profane, sad, yet funny baseball blogs out there on the interwebs, so please go out there and find your own.

Can't find it? Make one your damn self!

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Greg Myers

"PED's, PED's, PED's!"

Every fucking know-it-all hack has been blubbering this shit after every Bautista home run now, which is utter shit and unfounded. It just human nature these days to question and suggest nonsense when somebody is having an unusually good year. Performance-Enhancing Drugs, my ass!

Before Baseball started implementing their drug policy in 2005, the team clubhouse was a totally different culture. There were always unlikely dudes every year since the early 90's having career power numbers.

Enter Greg Myers. The 2003 edition. Another Toronto reclamation project for spare parts. He had been with the Jays for the beginning of his career from '87-'92, and just capping off the end of it with the team he started with. It seemed fitting.

It did seem fitting. Myers, a catcher, was going to platoon with Ken Huckaby and Kevin Cash, the Jays' catchers of the future(HAR-HAR!). What the Jays didn't expect was Myers, on the wrong side of 37 years, slugging his way to our hearts.

He hit .307 with 15 HR, both career achievements, very unusual numbers at his age. His clutch hitting was at its best that year. He just had a swing that was locked in.

Sound familiar?

His playing time was reduced the following year, and got hurt in 2004 sliding into second base. Retired in 2005.


Was Nolan Ryan's final strikeout. Number 5,714.

(I'm not going to suggest or whisper anything about steroids. It was Baseball's responsibility to police themselves when it came to that bullshit. The way they've handled that era, in regards to players' careers and numbers. It's just one BIG FAIL.)

Feel free to comment below, and name some other one-year wonders.

(Go to the right of this page and vote for YOUR Shitty Blue Jay! We might pay the winner a visit and contribute to their charity of choice! Click on that Paypal button to donate! And someone BUY ME A FUCKING COFFEE!)

Next Week: Oh Shit, Shannon Stewart!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Crystal Fucking Castles!

This Saturday's whirlwind of shows in two separate area codes left me exhausted and humbled.

It was enough that I finally got to see the band that provided the soundtrack of my childhood in Tears For Fears (Tears For Fears, the show is another story.), but to make it back to TO for Crystal Castles' sweaty set was more than a fitting end to my night.

The funny part was, I saw Fugazi in that very same venue 15 years ago. I watched Ian Mackaye mourn over the loss of his prized Gibson SG, his one and only axe. I'm sure none of the kids at this show were aware of that fact, let alone care. It was basically the same punk spirit, though.

It was a mess of punk proportions, with Alice Glass' junkie-chic vocalizing and egging on the hipster crowd, the tempo of all their songs faster and louder, paired with Ethan's cacophony of sound and lights. They really claim to be a punk band, dismissing the disco beats as incindental.

It moved me the same as that band I saw there some 15 years back.

I recall every summer, having that one claustrophobic, hot, smelly, club show, rubbing against other wet entities. And none of us in that room ever making a move towards the door. Because it was THE show that defined THAT VERY summer.

Crystal Castles last Saturday was THAT very show.

Here is a sample of what I saw. Imagine it twice as fast and Alice acting like a crazy fucking junkie.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Mickey Morandini

Let's take a look at all of the 2nd Basemen post-Alomar to present.

Tilson Brito
Carlos Garcia
Craig Grebeck
Norberto Martin
Homer Bush
Ryan Freel
Homer Bush
Orlando Hudson
Aaron Hill

The names I didn't mention were just fighting for that 2B/IF spot. Names like:

Frank Menechino
Chris Woodward
Chris Gomez
Miguel Cairo
Jeff Frye
Cesar Izturis

And of course, Mr. Mickey Morandini.

Mickey was part of that enemy Phillies team that made it to the World Series against us in 1993. He looked like one of those dirtbags in high school, dirty blond mullet, 5-o'clock shadow and all. Like I said before, once an enemy, always an enemy.

He was bouncing around a couple teams when we traded for him from the Phillies in August 2000 for Rob Ducey. But he had this thing . . . he was totally useless. While he was thrilled just to be still in the Majors, that year was his last. In his last two months in the Major League, he had 29 hits in 107 at-bats, good for a .271 average, and stole a base.


Morandini currently resides in Chesterton, Indiana, where he is the head baseball coach at Valparaiso High School. He also owns and runs RSVP, a stationery store, with his wife. Not kidding.

(Go to the right of this page and vote for YOUR Shitty Blue Jay! We might pay the winner a visit and contribute to their charity of choice! Click on that Paypal button to donate! And someone BUY ME A FUCKING COFFEE!)

Next Week: Greg Myers

Saturday, August 14, 2010


And now for a musical interlude, with Headlights.

The girl singing, Erin Fein, looks tran-tasic.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Dave Berg

Oh, the utility man. How underrated are they? Where the hell would we be if we never had a John McDonald, a Joe Inglett, or better yet a JoBau?!

Well, as of right now, if it weren't for the need for the utility man, we would not possess the Major League leader in home runs as part of our offence.

Of course, the other side of the coin says the utility man, is a waste of at-bats, usually anemic lumber, rarely striking fear into the opposing pitcher.

I'm with the latter on that opinion, although people love their JoBau and what he's done for us this year, I'm still not sold on his act. Once a useless pick-up for spare parts , always a pick-up for spare parts.

And that brings us to Dave Berg of the 2002-2004 edition. Much maligned, like his hockey equivalent Aki(no relation, I think), Dave was just an afterthought, considering his $650,000 average yearly salary. In baseball numbers, that money is quite a bargain, even though the player in discussion spends a lot of his time keeping the bench warm.

Fuck, pay ME that kind of money. I'll sit on the bench and give everybody handjobs, if they want. They're soft enough.

Berg in his 3 seasons with Toronto hit .263, with 11 HR. Not bad. But we all knew he was just a placeholder until somebody better came along.


Not too sure where Berg ended up after 2004, but in other news, former outfielder Raul Mondesi is the newly elected mayor of San Cristobal of the Dominican Republic. It pays to be a shitty Jay after all.

Let's all hope for the same fortunes for Mr. Dave Berg.

(Go to the right of this page and vote for YOUR Shitty Blue Jay. Mondy is leading right now, and if he wins it, we might pay the new Mayor a visit! And someone BUY ME A MOTHERFUCKING COFFEE!)

The Afghan Fucking Whigs!

My friend Berlinda just posted an Afghan Whigs love-in on her blog. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

I figured that I should post my own Afghan Whigs love-in as well.

I acquired Gentlemen in the winter of '93, and was my driving soundtrack for the season. I could still feel the snow drifting across me while listening to, "When We Two Parted." That slow tempo, the slide guitar howling with the wind, Greg Dulli's dark intentions . . .

Gentlemen was a masterpiece. They continued the darkness and misery with Black Love, with tinges of James Ellroy's The Black Dahlia. Their last studio album was 1965, before Dulli committed himself to doing movie work, citing the strain of geographical distance as the band's demise.

Here is a live clip of "My Curse," vocalized by Marcy Mays from Scrawl. It moves me to fuck.

The Mini Homestand!

In bullet form:

- Walked to the tailor's, and a parade broke out.

- Enjoyed walks by the water with Chewy and the girls.

- Cleaned the house.

- Cut the jungle of a back yard.

- Got caught in horrendous traffic, where the highway was shut down.

- Oh, yeah. Bought her wedding band. Phew!

Monday, August 2, 2010

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Otis Nixon

More Charity by the Jays.

We took a flyer on this guy in 1996. You all might remember him as that funny looking motherfucker that played for the Braves in the '92 World Series. If you had an allegiance with the Jays back then, you probably couldn't stand this guy. He JUST looked like the enemy(and always will).

One bit of recompense from that series: Otis Nixon was the last out recorded, 1-3, Timlin-to-Carter, and the Jays won their first championship ever.

Yeah. He was THAT guy.

So we got him in '96, as a stopgap outfielder, with sneaky speed on the basepaths. He stole 54 bases, caught only 12 times. He always managed to get on base, being a career .270 hitter. We traded him to Los Angeles the next year, thank fucking Christ. With the likes of Jacob Brumfield, Felipe Crespo, and Orlando Merced patrolling the outfield, there was really no place to put Nixon.


He hopped from team to team until Atlanta took him back in 1999. I think he was in his 70's by then(look at the pictures! He LOOKED old!), and retired with the club where he was most successful.


Made The Sporting News list of, 'Ugliest Ballplayers.' He's on the same list as Yogi Berra! That's an accomplishment!

Ugliest Ballplayers


After a career full of drugs and booze that would make Kelly Gruber blush(HEYO!), Otis cleaned himself up and, predictably, found enlightenment through Christ.

Nixon today runs On-Track Ministries. He is working towards obtaining his Master's Degree in Divinity.


Next Week: Dave Berg

(Click on the top right and BUY ME A FUCKING COFFEE, MOTHERFUCKERS! And vote for your favourite Shitty Jay!)