Monday, July 19, 2010

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Dave Hollins

Who says The Blue Jays aren't a charitable organization? Just the opposite! Check out who they gave a DH job to in 1999!

Fucking Dave Hollins!

Hollins was part of that rugged 1993 Philadelphia Phillies team that we demolished in the World Series. Yeah, THAT one. Anyway, he was an All-Star Third Baseman then.

By the time we got him in 1999, he wasn't even a shadow of his former self, he seemed more like a vapor trail!

That's how charitable the Jays are!

He batted .222 with 2 HR at the DH position in 1999, frustrating us all. He was part of the triumvirate of experimental DH's, with Geronimo Berroa and Willie Greene. All useless. All, with the cliche, "couldn't hit water if they fell off a fucking boat!" The DH experiment would later be abandoned when Brad Fullmer took the job full-time, rendering everybody else expendable.

You can tell how bad Hollins was at every at bat. He swung from both sides of the plate, but he was no good at either side. His swing was always late, falling victim to the third strike fastball. I'd know, because I'm the one coming out pissed every time he swung and missed.

But throughout all of this, you have to admire the act of charity the Jays bestowed upon him. Although I don't think his annual salary of $1.9 million is charity, I feel that Hollins was burrowing every penny, knowing that it might be the end of his career. I think he even saved his per diem on the road, saving on meals by eating everybody's leftovers.

Dave played for a few years afterward, returning to Philadelphia in 2002, making the team roster. I found this on Wiki:

"However, he only had 17 at bats for the team and two hits before he was placed on the disabled list due to harmful spider bites that aggravated his diabetes."

How the hell do you put explain that on the DL? "60-Day DL. (Spider Bites)"


Now a hitting coach of the Binghampton Mets, an affiliate of the New York club. You'll know who to blame when the Mets' offense gets 'spider-bit.'

Too late.

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Next Week: Brad Fullmer

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