Thursday, April 15, 2010

Lessons Learned From This Past Road Trip

In bullet form:

- Girl Talk, Feed the Animals, is one part musical ADD, and one part genius.

Who doesn't want to hear Old Dirty Bastard, mashed up with Kelly Clarkson and Nine Inch Nails? Come on!

- This knife/spoon/fork combination from LightMyFire is a godsend.

I can actually pack and eat real food for the trip and not have to scramble for a bunch of separate utensils. And at $4 a piece, it won’t break my heart if I lose it.

- There is fuck-all for selection when it comes to real food on the road.

It’s all junky grease. I ate a fast-food chain meal this weekend and never felt so uncontrollably pissed off in my life. I just couldn’t handle the over refined sugar anymore. Lately, I’ve been packing my breakfast granola and cranberries, maybe some fruit, and save myself for a real meal down the road.

- I don’t miss my commute around Toronto through the 400-series highways and all that bullshit traffic.

My car was slowly turning into my coffin. My 3-hour-a-day drive time caused hypertension, a bleeding ulcer, road rage, and lethargy to my body. No wonder I felt like a piece of monkey shit when I was working!

These days, my drives are quite relaxed, completely staying the fuck away from rush hour traffic. Try not to commute, no matter how attractive the money looks. You can’t enjoy your money when you’re pushing the daisies at a young age!

- Long drives? Two words: BLADDER CONTROL!

I don’t have that trait. The Mike Watt tune, “Piss-Bottle Man,” gets considered.
Try eating a cereal bar, or some nuts. Your stomach will use some of your fluids for digestion, instead of going straight to your bladder.

Or just pull over every chance you get, like I do.

- From the Moose Lake Trading Post northward, there is nothing but road and wilderness. Nothing!

- Enjoy Highway 69. Stay for the scenery, but please, don’t end up as food for the bears, bull moose, and wolves!

I pulled over on the road side on 69 one night, just to admire the view, and I could feel sets of eyes in the woods, watching me. I ran back inside the car, and deeply considered that Mike Watt song again.

So, who wants to go on a road trip?! Anyone?!


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