This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Mickey Morandini

Let's take a look at all of the 2nd Basemen post-Alomar to present.

Tilson Brito
Carlos Garcia
Craig Grebeck
Norberto Martin
Homer Bush
Ryan Freel
Homer Bush
Orlando Hudson
Aaron Hill

The names I didn't mention were just fighting for that 2B/IF spot. Names like:

Frank Menechino
Chris Woodward
Chris Gomez
Miguel Cairo
Jeff Frye
Cesar Izturis

And of course, Mr. Mickey Morandini.

Mickey was part of that enemy Phillies team that made it to the World Series against us in 1993. He looked like one of those dirtbags in high school, dirty blond mullet, 5-o'clock shadow and all. Like I said before, once an enemy, always an enemy.

He was bouncing around a couple teams when we traded for him from the Phillies in August 2000 for Rob Ducey. But he had this thing . . . he was totally useless. While he was thrilled just to be still in the Majors, that year was his last. In his last two months in the Major League, he had 29 hits in 107 at-bats, good for a .271 average, and stole a base.

CURRENT WHEREABOUTS

Morandini currently resides in Chesterton, Indiana, where he is the head baseball coach at Valparaiso High School. He also owns and runs RSVP, a stationery store, with his wife. Not kidding.

(Go to the right of this page and vote for YOUR Shitty Blue Jay! We might pay the winner a visit and contribute to their charity of choice! Click on that Paypal button to donate! And someone BUY ME A FUCKING COFFEE!)

Next Week: Greg Myers

This Week's Shitty Blue Jay: Dave Hollins

Who says The Blue Jays aren't a charitable organization? Just the opposite! Check out who they gave a DH job to in 1999!

Fucking Dave Hollins!

Hollins was part of that rugged 1993 Philadelphia Phillies team that we demolished in the World Series. Yeah, THAT one. Anyway, he was an All-Star Third Baseman then.

By the time we got him in 1999, he wasn't even a shadow of his former self, he seemed more like a vapor trail!

That's how charitable the Jays are!

He batted .222 with 2 HR at the DH position in 1999, frustrating us all. He was part of the triumvirate of experimental DH's, with Geronimo Berroa and Willie Greene. All useless. All, with the cliche, "couldn't hit water if they fell off a fucking boat!" The DH experiment would later be abandoned when Brad Fullmer took the job full-time, rendering everybody else expendable.

You can tell how bad Hollins was at every at bat. He swung from both sides of the plate, but he was no good at either side. His swing was always late, falling victim to the third strike fastball. I'd know, because I'm the one coming out pissed every time he swung and missed.

But throughout all of this, you have to admire the act of charity the Jays bestowed upon him. Although I don't think his annual salary of $1.9 million is charity, I feel that Hollins was burrowing every penny, knowing that it might be the end of his career. I think he even saved his per diem on the road, saving on meals by eating everybody's leftovers.

Dave played for a few years afterward, returning to Philadelphia in 2002, making the team roster. I found this on Wiki:

"However, he only had 17 at bats for the team and two hits before he was placed on the disabled list due to harmful spider bites that aggravated his diabetes."

How the hell do you put explain that on the DL? "60-Day DL. (Spider Bites)"

CURRENT WHEREABOUTS

Now a hitting coach of the Binghampton Mets, an affiliate of the New York club. You'll know who to blame when the Mets' offense gets 'spider-bit.'

Too late.

(Click on the top right and BUY ME A FUCKING COFFEE, MOTHERFUCKERS! And vote for your favourite Shitty Jay!)

Next Week: Brad Fullmer

This Week's Shi . . . PERFECT Blue Jay: Roy Halladay

Fuck Shitty Blue Jays, at least for this week, for this time we celebrate a PERFECT Blue Jay, even though he is wearing another uniform. This week we celebrate Roy Halladay and his accomplishment of pitching a Perfect Game that was long overdue.

He last flirted with perfection back in 1998, as a Blue Jay, with just two starts into his major league career. He was one out away from the feat before Bobby Higginson butt-fucked his bid. Doc was a pitcher of promise before losing it all, getting sent down to the lowest minors to fix everything from the foundation up. And coming back stronger and nastier than ever(see "Oh Leroy Halladay").

He left for Philadelphia at the end of last season in the search for greener pastures, and a World Series ring to top off his already illustrious career. This bout of perfection is just another feather in his cap that will, in my opinion, be checking out at the Baseball Hall Of Fame.

It is bittersweet as a longtime follower and admirer, watching the highlights of every out. It makes me sad that we could never build THAT team around him, and I'm sure his former Jays' teammates were chomping at the bit over every put-out they watched, thinking, 'what-if that were me?' But it does make me happy that such a great and classy guy can reach one pinnacle of success that was well-deserved.

It just shows that good things DO happen to good people. There IS some form of justice in the universe. There IS recompense. There IS balance.

I'll say it again.

Roy Halladay pitched a Perfect Game! I'm pitching a Perfect Tent!

Celebrate!