Now that we're all moved back into the south, my wife then brings with her the cold weather that we tried to run away from. It's too bad she couldn't bring back some of the richest, greasiest food from the Nickel Belt. This snowy cold makes me crave them terribly.
Here are a few of my favourite hangouts, when I feel the need for some junk in my body. All Sudbury originals!
I miss Deluxe. It's a fucking institution in Sudbury! It's so popular, that they had to build two! You can get Deluxe either by the Kingsway or Regent Street.
I crave the heart-stopping Double Deluxe with cheese, served with fries, orange gravy and coleslaw. Highly recommended!
Deluxe Hamburgers
1737 Regent St., Sudbury
(705)522-2470
When authentic Poutine is what your looking for, you gotta go to Leslie's on Regent! This is as real as you can get on the wrong side of Quebec, without putting up with the asshole Qui-beckers (although there is a hearty Franglais population in Sudbury, they are pretty harmless).
When I first entered this place to try, I shit you not, it was stifling hot and I walked out of there, sweating oil!
Make sure you pick up a Montreal-Smoked Meat Sandwich. Go for the cheese curds instead of shredded! And always, ALWAYS, go with spicy gravy!
Leslie's Charcoal Grill And Take Out
661 Notre Dame Ave., Sudbury
(705)669-1075
Nursing a hangover from killing it at Townehouse? Go get something hot, salty, and full of fat at Gloria's. And I'm not talking about the girl the took you home! ZING!
At the end of a strip-mall, sharing space with a convenience store, an ice cream shop, and a Home Hardware, Gloria's has the best atmosphere. Everybody and their mom goes there! Best breakfasts in town. Best coffee in a diner. Best everything. It is Sudbury's true jewel.
When I retire, they'll see my ugly face there every day!
Gloria's
469 Bouchard St., Sudbury
(705)522-1476
A Modest Proposal,
How To Lose Some Excess Poundage:
- Eat Breakfast. As soon as you wake up, no matter what time it is, it's breakfast time! I used to rely on just swilling on a cup of coffee to get me started for my day, but it always had disastrous results. I would be ravenous by noon, eating everything in my path. It made me lethargic and useless to anybody for the rest of the day.
Here's a suggestion. Why not kick start your day with some granola, or some fruit? Eat something really simple for your digestive system to do it's thing. I make myself a spinach omelette, for instance. Say hello to your metabolism going to work!
DON'T go for the country breakfast of sausage, bacon, ham, eggs, and pancakes as a morning wake-up! You might as well just stay in bed.
- Portion Control. Imagine having your normal plate of food. Now, eliminate a quarter of it, and go from there. We are being exposed by all kinds of pressure to eat. To eat crap, and to eat lots of it. Fat fucks like these even turn it into a sport, glamourizing over-indulgence.
But don't worry, they'll be dead soon, and you'll follow right after your turn in The Biggest Loser! I've already entered you in!
You have to rethink food as fuel and not something to emotionally satiate.
Try this next time: Every time you reach for food, ask yourself if you ARE hungry. If you are hungry enough to eat an apple, go reach for that. If not, find other ways to keep busy.
Like jerking off!
- Drink Ice Water. Studies at NASA state that drinking ice water on a regular basis burns a total of 1200-1400 calories a month! And it makes a lot of sense: Altering the temperature of water by even 1 degree, either up or down, requires a lot of energy. If you have doubts, check your bill to heat your hot water tank!
Your own body regulating ice water back into normal ambient temperature is the simplest way to metabolize energy. Up to 45 calories a day, just from ice water. Just ask those nerds at NASA!
- Be 75% vegetarian. Fruits and vegetables contain valuable nutrients and flavonoids that keep your body happy and healthy. It's also fibrous and full of water to keep your sodium intake balanced. While we derive most of our protein from meat, we should still keep it on our plates, as a side dish.
Picture your plate full of food. Picture half of the plate specifically for vegetables, one-quarter for starch, the last quarter for meat.
- Do something! I'm in week 2 of P90X, and it's kicking my ass! Before this, I was doing 100 push-ups, like my friend Matt. Before that, I was doing time at the Sudbury Y pool, strengthening my knees and shoulders. Before that, trained and ran a 30k Marathon. Before that, I was on the Wii Fit. And so on and so forth.
The point is, just find some activity that you would like to do that's a bit challenging, and do it. Resistance training, cardio, walking the dog, masturbating 10 times a day, whatever it is that would get your blood pumping, do as much as you can of it. Set goals. Achieve. Get better.
Our bodies need challenge. In the beginning, our roles as humans were quite clear: We were hunters and gatherers. We worked hard to get our food, as well as not to be food. And in this day and age, and modern society, we just don't have roles that cut and dry anymore. Sure, we are gatherers, but most of what we eat, we drive over to the grocery store to "gather." And it's not that big of a struggle to get. We have lots of it, and is readily accessible! So we do feed our bodies, but without that challenge and struggle that we've been programmed from before.
So you have to program yourself to change an be the hunter like you were before!
Do you want to lose weight or not?
If not, make sure your visit some of the spots that were recommended, you fat fuck!
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